I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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