Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
