I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
