Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
