We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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