im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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