Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
