It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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