Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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