I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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