Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
