I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
