Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
