I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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