She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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