Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
