Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
