I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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