I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Holy shit dude........stairs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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