im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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