Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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