you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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