Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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