The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
