As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
handjob tips. give me some.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
