i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
