If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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