You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
