'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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