i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
