just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
