I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
