I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
