I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
