Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
