i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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