Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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