I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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