while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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