After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
