$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
