I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
