You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
