White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
