I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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