Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
