I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
