I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
