I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
