Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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