We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
