Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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