and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
