I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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