We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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