Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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