I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
