The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
