and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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