I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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