Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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