Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His nipple licking is glorious
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