yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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