I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
