after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
