reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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