I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
3 2 1 whiskey
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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