a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
