Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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