You just made me feel so damn special
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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