I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
