I need help removing her.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
