did you get engaged???
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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