i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
