Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
