My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
