Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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