how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
